My Alter-Ego

I am so into both of them ever since mum brought them home from the petshop on my dad’s bday this year. Cute little thing they are. At first holding them is impossible. Been bitten few times but after they are used to me, they are ok. Mum did asked the shop keeper on how to maintain them. No shower or bath please cuz basically rats (and its cousin) dont go swimming to clean up. So, mum got them sand bath.. hehehe.. Another strong reminder, dont make your hamster stress cuz they can just die suddenly. Seriously, my friend’s hamster died of “heartattack” when its’ cage fell to the ground.

They are active at night and sleep nearly the whole day. And Angel is more active than Angelo. She like to hang around like monkey, naughty! Never fail to make me laugh! Even my parents started to hold them once in a while. I tell ya, the first main reason mum allowed us to keep hamster was due to it will be in a cage. They are simply rats to mum and dad and the idea of having them as pets was.. ewww…

I talked to them. hehehe.. you know, how you talks to baby? N mum always gv me the stares whenever she heard me talking to the little cuties. I dont care, they cheers me up and keeps me company. Too bad i cant bring them for a walk like some ppl with their dogs. Hehehe..

They had this habbit of biting the corner of the cage. Mum said their teeth kept growing so they need to bite on things. Did got toys for them but they dont seems to like it. I fed them fruits sometimes but durian is a no no though i tried b4, hahaha.. gave them i tiny bit of rambutan yesterday, just a bit, cuz i dont want them to get tummy pain or anything like that. They like bread too, but not whole wheat. So choosy!

Cant wait to be home to play with them.. eheheheh.. its weekend anyway, and i’ll be smelling like hamster!

I got hook up on cocktail since i had a short training at a pool bar. Wow, i tell ya, i’m not a drinker but cocktail just got into me the first taste.

However, here, no way that i can find good bartender that can make good cocktail. There are always something missing in the mixture but the menu is there. that day i ordered mojito, they gave me one without the mint!Imagine mojito without the mint! what do i expect, this is just a town. Some other places have the classic, only the classic.

Another new fav is corona, just have it with few wages of lime or a shot of tequila, and you a good to go.

I can choose to stop and ignore, but no. I can choose to walk away, but no. i can choose to back out, but no. Though things are different here from wht i use to do in kch, the target is the same, the goal is the same and the reasons are the same. But still, y i dont feel the same? the satisfaction and the joy? y do i feel hurt about all these? y i bother anyway? Sometimes, going the other way seems better right now. Just be the observer from afar, be the silent and invincible one.

But everytime these thoughts of “leaving” what i love the most, i thought back about why i want to do all these in the first place. what makes me start my life involving in serving of others? Y am i still doing it despite all that had happened here? I came back after nearly 5 years in Kch and my final year i was there was a real LIFE of me. that’s where i learn about friendship, about faith, about, love, about me. Coming back here feeling lost and out of place, i have to start over. I understand that its just normal, but i have choices of doing things the easy way. We all have choices, and i know i’m not the only person facing this. Though this is my hometown, whr i grow up and still growing, whr i live my childhood and whr my family is, things will never remain the same after so many years. Facing differ mindset makes me miss wht i had before. it has been nearly a year but i’m still struggling to find my reasons being back here. I dont want to just give in to the moment cuz this is not short term. I really got to find my way here.

Whn i first came to knw CYS, i was a freshie staying in the hostel- lost, blur, mostly feeling lost so i found refuge there. With ppl i found 1 thing in common - Christ. Thts the only thing that i found similar to home anywhr i go. At first, i was just the member but that didnt last, responsibilities that driven by passion to serve got me into a different level. From CYS, to KCM, then, GPK. Here, FIAT, to St. Dominic & the YO! (DONT ASK). In any group of clubs or association, there there’s a movement whn the seniors go bye2, leaving it all the the juniors with it all hoping that they can keep the legacy. Well, dont dream it like that. At least 1 or 2 will keep it, so got to pray hard and make sure these few ppl not giving it up.. yet..

I am becoming parachuter here and i like it. Honestly, hilda got no talent so i would really like to help in anyway i can when it comes to GMB (giving my best, heh!) But the dreams of playing the guitar and the drums still hunts me. Though i got me a cheap strings but, i have no idea on how to tune, how to strum.. so, by now, my sound of music is total out of this world! HAHAHAHA!!!!!! (that’s the stress talking!)

Ok ppl.. got things to do.. later!

i’m picking new habits whn my hearts racing, biting my nails and swaying back and forth. whn doeas this start i’ve no idea.. i’ve stop writing my journal. pat’s not around to keep me company, to keep me sane. I need to go somewhr, anywhr. soon.. real soon..

its advent, n this year things a little differ from what i had years back.. it used to be house cleanings.. bakings.. christmas tree.. singing christmas carol while doing all that..

this year, i got new things in hands.. maybe its the time for me to get the real meaning christmas.. i’m just glad that i’m home with my family, just like it has always been.. i cant imagine myself not being home for christmas.. home, our house.. just that. I thank God for that.

the first step is always the hardest.. but it is a great start of something new.. this will definitely make me miss my frens.. but thr are things that i got to do on my own.. just have to close my eyes n pray.. n think about B.. all things are possible.. AAAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!!! hehe…

Never thought it will be hard.. its different from wat i’m in before, here, have to start from nothing… its hard to get ppl who are committed in this.. n i know i cant do this alone without God’s help. still, i got nothing.. i have to start somewhr anyway.. which is tough.. i wish B, miday, karen are here… but, i’m not going to give up yet… i have wonderful feelings about wht i’m going to do, things that can be change… i love wht i did in kuching, n will always miss it.

tough week.. but i manage so far cuz i’ve frens that i can turn to and rely on.. next week, focus will be more on exam but there are other stuff that i’m not going to leave just like that.. those who knows me well, should know wht i mean here.

recently, i’ve a fav phrase "kangen ama kakek…", my roomies gone crazy cuz of it.. the only time they wont hear me saying it is whn:

1 they dont see me

2 i’m doing my assignment

3 i’m doing my revision

4 i’m sleeping

any other time even during few minutes of "brain blank", i’ll say it out loud just to make myself feel better.. hehehe.. nenek gone crazy, i know..

well, i’m actually waiting for my 100+ pages of journals and articles for my last assigment - printing.. so, kinda blurr right now..

home sick? no, dont think so, been away from home for quite some time so, thats not the issue right now.. just that emotion goes up and down and up and down again.. hehehe.. home will always be the best place to be whn u feel lost.. right?

should i just pack my bag tonight, and be on my way home? its possible as soon as i finish my night class later… i can if i want! huh, i wish it can be as easy as that but too many things to consider and i have plan this coming CNY holiday so.. hehehe.. might as well as cram my head for the next few days and enjoy my last 3 days holiday up on the Mountain!!! Not, Everest or Mt KK, just somewhr near hehehe.. i’ll sream from there so that it reaches Heaven, " Take me, bring me Home right now!!!!!"  sorry.. stress management, good for the heart whn the brain is not functioning sanely for the moment.. 

tata ppl, b4 i start writing craps.. and prawns.. n fishes…